So I tend to stay pretty neutral on my blog.
Fluff kind of things.
Posts on the wedding, the husband, working out, family, shopping nail polish.
Non controversial topics.
Not really for any reason in particular, but I tend to live a pretty laid back and non controversial life.
But for some reason I have just had the sudden urge to write about an experience in my life, that can tend to get people's first amendment (freedom of speech if you weren't sure) roaring.
Two things my momma told me to never discuss at the dinner table.
Religion & Politics.
Now I am not going to go anywhere near Politics.
One because, I don't follow politics close enough to have any opinion and two, because I don't dare to have that conversation on here.
However, I do have this odd feeling to share my current experience with you all on finding my place with religion.
A little history:
My family has never been overly religious.
My father refers to himself as catholic, but the man has never been to church when I was alive unless for a wedding or a funeral.
I was baptized and made my first communion, and when we were younger my brother and I went to church with my mom every Sunday.
I remember at this time sitting in Sunday school thinking, I can't not wait until this is over so that my mom can buy me my marble frosted and strawberry frosted donut from Dunkin Donuts.
Yes, we got donuts after church every Sunday.
It was great.
But I really wasn't drawn to church or God,
and when I turned into a teenager, I chose to stop going.
Fast forward to about my junior year in college.
At this time I still continued not to go to Church or partake in any religious activities other than wedding, funerals and occasionally on Christmas or Easter.
It was at this time I started getting this feeling that I should start going to church.
Being the epitome of college student that I was, didn't really feel like getting up early on Sunday to go to church by myself.
So i ignored the feeling.
I continued to have this feeling every so often throughout the next year.
During the end of my senior year of college, I started dating a guy who was a pretty devote Christian,
I didn't share the feelings I had been having with him, as we were not very serious.
However, he really wanted me to go to church with him a few times.
So I did.
When I got there I was completely put off.
The church was HUGE, tons of pepole, huge big screen tv's video cameras and lighting systems.
I was appalled.
I thought to myself really.
People in the world are starving and suffering and here we are sitting with thousands of dollars of technology?
Needless to say that was the last time I went to church with him.
So I continued to ignore the feeling.
In my second semester of graduate school,
i started working in a hospital, where my supervisor was a very christian women, however understandingly christian.
Like didn't make me feel bad for having sinned in my life christian.
Talking to her made my feeling grow stronger. At the hospital, I also met the chaplain who would go to the floors to meet with people suffering.
She too, made my feeling grow stronger.
But I still continued to ignore it.
Fast forward to graduating and getting my new job away from my hometown near the city, and near a more rural area.
One of the first days, i moved into my cute little apartment, my supervisor from the hospital says on a post of mine: "Glad you are so happy, now you just need to find a nice church family to make it complete"
A friend of mine that I had lost contact with responded: "That is where I can help her"
This friend lived in my good ole rural town, who I had no idea lived so close.
Thankfully, also she was a runner.
So i began running with her and strengthening our friendship and one Saturday night, I called her up and said: "Do you think I could go to church with you tomorrow?"
Oh how happy was she!!
So I go to her church, and am a little weirded out.
I am use to catholic ceremonies. Sit, stand, kneel, pray, communion, rinse repeat.
In this church, there was lots of singing, happy singing. There were people raising their hands to God, speaking in tongues, and stating prophecies.
And not going to lie, at first I wanted to run for the hills, but I didn't.
My commitment was rocky, but I went every now in then more weekends than not.
Wasn't convinced.
Fast forward to this past Saturday.
I was feeling down.
Beau was at work. I was alone. I had made plans with a friend to go to the city and she cancelled on me.
So I headed to our mall.
I called my mom in tears about how much I miss the city and home and how I could just walk out the door head to the MTA and be in the city in minutes.
I missed all my friends, and going out and finding crazy
Well 4 hours later, I ended up with a whole new wardrobe and mad for spending so much money.
So now feeling guilty, homesick and debating moving back to the city, I headed home.
The next day, Beau was at work and I went of to church.
I always sit with my friend and her husband at church, and while standing getting ready to sing, my friend Ashley turns to me, gives me a big hug and say, I am so glad you come here.
I literally broke down and started crying. I literally was so upset about where I lived and here was my friend out of nowhere had no idea I was upset who just showed me how happy she is I am there.
It was JUST what I needed.
After this, I felt content.
After this is the first time, I EVER sang in church.
The first time I raised my arm to pray for someone going through a tough time.
The first time I felt like this is where I am suppose to be.
The next day my friend and I went running, and out of the blue without saying anything she says.
"Ya know, yesterday I just really felt like God was telling me to tell you how happy I am that you are hear and going to our church"
That kind of blew my mind.
I told her the story and she says "Ya know Rorie, sometimes God gives us exactly what we need exactly when we need it"
And for once, I was convinced.
My heart is happy, and I feel happy about where I am.
Now I know my walk with God is no where near complete, in fact is just beginning, but I am glad that I am now ready to "Let Go and Let God"
This post was something that I just had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to write, and perhaps there will be some of you who find in offensive, which in by no way is it meant to be taken so.
Perhaps, this will help someone else who was struggling just like me!
