Book Club Friday

Love me some book club Friday!!

I have read like 12 books in the past month!

What do you do?

Grab the button and then link up here!!

This weeks:

Flat-Out Matt (Flat-Out Love #1.5)

by Jessica Park

Matt is a junior at MIT. He’s geeky, he's witty, he's brilliant.

And he’s also very, very stupid.

When beautiful, cool, insightful Julie moves in with Matt’s family, why (oh why!) does he pretend to be his absent brother Finn for her alleged benefit? 

It seems harmless enough until her short-term stay becomes permanent. And until it snowballs into heart-squeezing insanity. And until he falls in love with Julie, and Julie falls in love with Finn. 

But … Matt is the right one for her. If only he can make Julie see it. Without telling her the truth, without shattering them all. Particularly his fragile sister Celeste, who may need Julie the most.

You saw Matt through Julie’s eyes in FLAT-OUT LOVE. Now go deeper into Matt’s world in this FLAT-OUT MATT novella. Live his side of the story, break when his heart breaks, and fall for the unlikely hero all over again.

Take an emotional skydive for two prequel chapters and seven Flat-Out Love chapters retold from his perspective, and then land with a brand-new steamy finale chapter from Julie

Last time I talked about Flat out Love & This week Flat Out Matt

I loved this book almost as much as I loved Flat Out Love. 

This book is not a "full" book. Its like certain chapters of the first one from Matt's point of view. But still its amazing and its fun to see the different point of view. Similar to Walking Disaster, but not a full book.

Lovee, 5 stars. Def. read :)

Maternity Photos

If you follow me on twitter (here)

then you know I was having a very difficult time with my photographer getting our maternity & newborn photos in a timely manner. 

Well a couple weeks ago we FINALLY got them all, and I am quite happy with how they turned out!!

We did a sneak peek of them when she had sent us a few, but here are some of my favorites from the day!

Waiting for them sucked but they sure are pretty :)

Book Club Friday

Haven't done a book club Friday in quite some time. 

But now that I have passed my licensure exam and don't have to study, 

have gotten into a better mommy & baby routine & am able to get more done I have more time to read. 

I have been on a blogging kick these past few days and have read quite a few books. 

What do you do?

Grab the button and then link up here!!

This weeks book is:

Flat-Out Love (Flat-Out Love #1)

by Jessica Park

He was tall, at least six feet, with dirty blond hair that hung over his eyes. His T-shirt read Nietzsche Is My Homeboy.

So, that was Matt. Who Julie Seagle likes. A lot. But there is also Finn. Who she flat out loves.

Complicated? Awkward? Completely.

But really, how was this freshly-minted Boston transplant and newbie college freshman supposed to know that she would end up living with the family of an old friend of her mother's? This was all supposed to be temporary. Julie wasn't supposed to be important to the Watkins family, or to fall in love with one of the brothers. Especially the one she's never quite met. But what does that really matter? Finn gets her, like no one ever has before. They have connection.

But here's the thing about love, in all its twisty, bumpy permutations—it always throws you a few curves. And no one ever escapes unscathed.

Source: Goodreads.com

I absolutley loved this book. From the second I began reading it I couldn't put it down. I loved its twists, the love story and everything about it. I loved its nerdy references and was terribly sad when it ended!! Such a good book!

 

Momma Guilt

Some of you already know by reading {G's} birth story, I didn't exactly have the easiest delivery. 

Once the little man was out of my belly, I began to hemorrhage causing me to get super dizzy and nauseated. 

So when my sweet little man was brought up to me although I was beyond words happy to see him safe and healthy, I was really concentrating on trying to NOT throw up on him. 

As soon as my husband had to tae him out of the room, I told the anesthesiologist, I felt guilty for not being happier when I saw him. 

That was Momma Guilt Number 1.

Momma Guilt Number 2: 

I was discharged from the hospital WAY to soon. My hemoglobin levels were only 7 and although I felt fine when I left the walk to the car and rest of the day was spent with me trying to not trip or pass out from dizziness and cue horrible migraine that started that night. 

For 3 days I was SO SICK in bed, and had his daddy change his diaper and do a lot of the talking care of things while I laid helpless only being able to nurse him. After my blood transfusion i FINALLY felt better and could take care of him, but I look back on those 3 days and feel so guilty for not being able to take care of him the way I felt I needed too and that his daddy had to do most of the work. 

& now we are on to 

Momma Guilt Number 3:

I got back to work tomorrow.... That means that I go from being with him almost every single second of the day (minus going to the store a few times and once to the movies) to him having to be without me for 40 (plus drive time) hours a week. Thankfully he will be with his daddy most of the time, but come on he needs his momma. He gets sad when he is away from me for a few minutes let alone a few hours. I am dreading so much that fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow. I just want to stay home and cuddle, play and teach him everything he has to know. I don't want him to have to bee mostly bottle fed now. I LOVE breastfeeding and I am so sad that it will be reduced to just evenings. I can imagine that these next 4 days back at work are going to be tremendously hard, and I am thankful my husband will be sending me lots of sweet little pictures of my little man, but it is not the same as me being there. I am so sad that he will not get to wake up and see me :( So sad that he will be looking for me and wondering why I am not there as much. So much guilt. But at the same time I do know that this is good for him and I will teach him that working is important, and I do LOVE my job. But I love my baby more. 

SO today my sweet 12 weeks old baby and I are spending quality time snuggiling with lotts of hugs and kisses!!

I know in his life I am going to have more guilty moments, but right now he is too little. Three is enough. 

Postpartum Me.

I've been trying to write this post for a while now, but just couldn't get myself to do so. 

After {G} emotionally postpartum me was and is still great. 

I love my little man, I am happy as can be, energetic (although tired) and good. 

My body however, not so much. 

I wish wish wish that I could be like some of the other awesome bloggers that I follow and look amazing after baby!!

I would love to wear a bikini again, but that will never happen. 

Before baby I was TINY!

I loved it!

Here I am at 7 weeks pregnant with just a little belly forming. 

I know I will never have the same stomach back. Will I get back to being super tiny.

Maybe not. 

Although I weight less than I did before I got pregnant (thank you gestational diabetes)

My stomach will probably never look the same. 

I currently can not work out as much as I am use to due to an AWESOME (not) hernia that I have to have repaired. 

But on top of that, I am like most of society and have these awesome stretch marks to deal with. 

I mean come on how could I not being THIS HUGE:

Omg, I laugh just seeing that giant belly. 

Thankfully my stretch marks are ONLY right by my belly button so I can get away with a pretty hot one piece, but I will miss the old me!

However, I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

My little man is def. worth the stretch marks, the hernia surgery and the intense work outs I will be getting too. 

This little man is too cute for anything else.

But the new postpartum me, will need sometime to be truly happy with itself. 

& that is okay. I am not going to sit there and say I love my stomach. 

Because I don't. DO I hate it?

No. 

Am I happy about it?

No.

But was it worth it?

WITH OUT A DOUBT!

So this is the postpartum me. 

Stretch marks, belly pudge, huge boobs & all

& that is okay :)

Our Breastfeeding Experience

Most momma-to-be's know what they want to do when it comes to breastfeeding. 

Some will choose right away to breastfeeding, knowing that it is what they want

& others will know that it is not for them and formula is. Either choice for a momma

is the right choice for them, but none truly know FOR SURE until baby is here. 

With me, I knew I wanted to breastfeed way before I even got pregnant. It had always been something I had known I wanted to do and I was excited but nervous for it to happen. 

I had everything ready for when he got here. 

Nursing pads, nipple cream, my pump for when I go back to work, nursing bras and shirts and had done a ton of research. 

I was bummed I had a c-section because I knew this meant I wouldn't be able to have my little man put on me right away 

So we had to wait about an hour before we could begin our breastfeeding experience. 

We began perfectly the nurse didn't really tell us too much but {G} had no problem latching and ate for about 10 minutes on each side. 

He kept falling asleep at first which I was reassured that this was normal. 

While we were in the hospital we were breastfeeding champs. 

Things began to get difficult when we got home. 

The night of day 3 is when I got my massive migraine from low hemoglobin levels, so I had to nurse in positions where my head was lying. 

The morning after my nipples began to get really sore, but I was persistent to power through. 

At this time my milk had STILL not come in yet, so my little man was nursing about every hour to two hours. 

This is probably why they were SO SORE. 

That night, I caved. 

I told my hubby and my mom that I couldn't do it anymore. 

It felt like glass was on my nipples and I was crying every time it was time for him to nurse. 

From there I caved and began to pump, but since I didn't have any milk yet, I hardly produced an ounce. 

From here I decided I would give my baby, dun dun dun, Formula....

I couldn't keep him full and it made me so sad to know that he was not getting anything and was starving. 

We had a small sample of formula from the doctor, and we opened it to have him ready. 

This would be {G}'s first time with a bottle and with formula so I was nervous and feeling guilty, but he took it with no problem and gulped down every last ounce. 

For the rest of the night/next morning he was given formula. 

At about 11am the next day my milk FINALLY came in and I cut back on the formula and gave him expressed milk. 

I still was too sore to attempt to breastfeed and this was the time I was re-hospitalized for my blood transplant. 

Once out of the hospital we continued with expressed breast milk and about 3 bottles of formula at night, we progressed to two bottles of formula, then one bottle of formula and then to none. At this point since he was only getting one breast milk I began to breastfeed him again. 

It continued to hurt so I started out slow, only breastfeeding him once a day. We progressed to two, and it continued to be sore and hurt. 

Finally I called up a lactation consultant to make sure he was latching correctly. 

Our consultant told us some tips and reassured us we were doing well. 

FINALLY, it stopped hurting and we began breastfeeding exclusively!

We still give 2 bottles at night of breast milk only to keep {G} use to the bottle for when I go back to work and also because he takes 30 to 45 minutes to nurse and I need sleep!

But otherwise I have FINALLY started loving breastfeeding

Things I have learned while breastfeeding:

1) Breastfeeding can be difficult and takes work. I kind of thought it would just come natural and everything would be easy. Well no, I was wrong. It takes work to get the babe to latch on and get use to things, and it is more difficult in the beginning before your milk comes in. 

2) Engorgement when your milk comes in is NO JOKE. This was probably one of the most painful parts of having a baby. My breasts were HARD as rocks, as much as I pumped they hardly emptied. They were sore and I could hardly sleep this night, but after about a day they started to get better. They became engorged a few times if I went too long without pumping at first and I have found nursing is so much better at unclogging ducts and getting rid of engorgement then pumping is. 

3) Formula is not the enemy. It took my milk 5 days to come in and had I not had formula on hand, my poor baby would have been MISERABLE. It saved us!

4) Calling a lactation consultant is a life saver. This def. reassured me that I wasn't a failure and that I was a good momma. It also was super helpful with little tips and tricks that made things much easier. 

5) Nipple shields should be used with caution and temporarily. 

6) Breastfeeding can be PAINFUL in the beginning. I was told numerous times my babies latch was good, I was checked for thrush, and was doing it correctly, but something sucking on the same thing that hard, all day is going to hurt. HOWEVER, if you can make if threw the first few weeks, it gets better!!

7) Breastfeeding is one of the most amazing bonding experiences ever. I love this time that I have with my little man. Where I stare at him, stroke his hair and listen to him contently eating. I love that I am able to provide him with that. Even with all the pain I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

So if you are a momma-to-be or new momma and are breastfeeding stick with it, it gets better. But know formula is not failing at all!! 

Our 4th of July!

Little man had a super fun 4th of July. 

We headed out early to have a BBQ at a lake with good friends

& then watched fireworks from our home!

We are thankful hat we can see them right at our house although it caused the baby to wake up which was not so fun!

What are ya gonna do though!

Cell phone picture but somebody was SUPER happy about his first 4th of July!

5 Years From Now

Borrowing this idea from Becky @ From Mrs to Mama with her blogging for a purpose idea. 

After reading her post I really thought about where I would like to be in 5 years. Granted this was during a 3am feeding and I was overly exhausted, but that should make it fun. 

Let establish some facts first:

In 5 years from now I will be in my 30's.

My little man will be 5. 

Hubby and I will be married for 6 years

& I will have been done with school and working for 7 years. 

1. In 5 years from now, I would like our family to be complete. We are hoping to have 3 children, all 2 to 2.5 years apart. So in 5 years this should be completed pending everything goes well and all is healthy. We are really excited to complete our family although will also be happy if things can not go that way as we have a amazing little boy here right now, but I know he is going to make an amazing big brother to his brother or sisters as he is such a sweetheart already! I am hoping for another boy and a girl! Although will be very happy with two girls or two boys! Can't really be any sorts of sad when it comes to babies as long as they are healthy and happy!

2. In 5 years, I plan on being moved back to near our hometown. After college hubby and I took a job 3 hours outside of our hometown and we are not very happy being this far away from our families. We love our jobs for sure which is why we stay, but family is everything to us and we would like to be closer. 

3. With number 2 being said, in 5 years we are hoping to own our own house. We currently rent a two bedroom home, due to the fact that we do not want to remain living in the area we do, we are not ready to buy a house. (It would never sell in time for us to leave). I am currently thinking we will actually be buying land and building a house, as my expectations for what I am looking for are QUITE high. 

4. I would like to own my own car. I actually plan on doing this in the next two years when my lease is up. Right now leasing is more affordable and a smarter decision for us. But I would like to buy my own crossover vehicle. Hopefully the Rav4 or Crosstrek.

5. I hope to be further into my faith. I wrote a really detailed post on my faith a couple months ago (read here), and I would like to continue down the path that I feel comfortable with in my spirituality. I would like to really start reading the bible and attending church on a regular basis. 

6. In 5 years from now, I think, and this isn't for certain that I would like to be taking doctoral classes working towards getting my ph.d!

7. In 5 years from now, I would like to be the mother I have pictured in my mind. The mother that my kids will say, My mom is my best friend. I want to be fun, exciting spontaneous, but challenging and limit setting. I want to be there for them when they fall and help them get back up not get them up. I want to help shape my kids into the amazing people that I know they will be. 

That is my 5 years from now!

Our One Month Favorites

Now that G is one month 

{I don't get how this happened}

We are developing a list of favorite things that we use with him. 

1. Luvs diapers. We tried pampers and huggies before we tried Luvs and had significant leaks with both. Although I prefer pampers to huggies at this point, Luvs have had less leaks over all and seem to hold a lot and still keep the peanut dry!! The only negative is I like the wetness indicators on pampers and huggies which Luvs do not have. 

2. Summer Infant: SwaddleMe's-  G can not sleep for long without being swaddled. These swaddles on simple to use and a lighter weight so when it is hot out he doesn't get too hot! Plus they come in very cute deigns. 

3. Snuza- Our Snuza is still my biggest piece of mind. Since G is still sleeping in our room in his pack and play, he can not use his Angel Care Monitor. We clip this little diddy on his diaper and I know it will tell me if he stops breathing. NOTE: we have already had TWO false alarms. One because he wiggled his way and and it was not reading him well and two because he wiggled so much it fell of. I have a VERY wiggly baby. However, both times I JUMPED out of bed saw he was breathing and put it back on. He did not wake up, although he rustled a little bit. I would also rather this false alarm, that way I know it works well!!

4. Chicco Keyfit Car Seat and Stroller- G loves his walks and car rides and I love this stroller. I rides so smooth, and is able to be run with well. Only downfalls: its pretty heavy to get in and out of the car. The covers to keep the sun out suck there are little corners everywhere that let sun in. I often just throw a light weigh blanket over part of it to help with that. 

5. Avent Freeflow Pacifiers-  For som reason these pacifiers are the ones G prefers!

6. Halo Swaddle Sleep Sac- Since we swaddle every night we need a variety. These are even SIMPLER to use than the summer infant. They do take a bit extra work to get his arms in them however which sometimes wakes the babe up a bit. These have a bit more fabric so they are perfect in chillier weather. 

I am sure there are more that I am not thinking of but for right now these are our life savers :)

How Motherhood Has Changed Me (So Far)

With my little man just about to turn 6 weeks old 

(really? 6 weeks? how did this happen)

I have already noticed the motherhood had changed me a lot. 

1) Privacy is no longer something I require. 

Although it is something that I enjoy, after having 15 nurses and doctors stare at my, as my niece calls it, hoho & having to whip out the boob to feed the babe, I am not longer as embarrassed for my body parts to be seen in public. Now don't get me wrong I am not whipping out my hoho everywhere. But I have gotten to the point where I don't care if you are around if baby needs to eat, baby needs to eat. Granted I have a nursing cover, but before I would be even be embarrassed to do that. 

2) Bodily fluids don't gross me out. 

At least, Squishy's bodily fluids don't gross me out. 

I use to be the type of person who would gag at the smell of spit up or puke. Who would not be a fan of changing diapers & who would become embarrassed about farts. Remember Vince Vaughn on Four Christmas'?

Hahah, that was me. 

Now. I have been puked on, spit up on, peed on and pooped on, and I don't bat and eyelash. 

3) Naps are a must. 

I use to not be able to nap. If I napped I couldn't sleep at night and would be up all night. 

Now I nap at every single chance I can get. 

I probably would die if I didn't nap because I would get like 3 hours of sleep every night. 

I however have also found that I can function quite well on about 5 hours of sleep a night where I use to NEED 8. 

4) Eating while sitting is a happy memory. 

Most of my meals recently have been inhaled while the baby is in the sling and I am walking around our kitchen. I will occasionally get to eat while he is sleeping, but I am usually taking advantage of that time to NAP (see above). 

5) I am extremely LOW maintenance. 

I use to require a pretty lengthy routine of getting ready in the morning. Showering, blow drying my hair, straightening my hair, makeup, cute outfit. Now unless hubby is home I am lucky if I get a shower and my hair gets thrown up into a messy bun. My outfits. Yoga pants, leggings and tank tops. 

6) My shopping habits have changed drastically. 

I can't remember the last time I bought stuff for me other than nursing bras and tops. My shopping cart has become overflown with cute onesies, slings & toys.

7) My whole wide world had changed. 

I no longer think about myself first. It doesn't matter if I am exhausted, starving and unshowered. If my cute little love bug is snuggly, happy, fed and clean. I am as happy as can be. I stare at his little face and wondered how did we make something so perfect. It truly is a miracle. I can't remember what it was like not having him here and I am already preparing my speeches to his future girlfriends. This little man is the most important person to me ever. It is a love like no other. 

Happy Father's Day!!

To all the daddy's out there but especially to the 4 most amazing men in my life!!

To my Father!

My Grandfather

My Brother

and my sweet Hubby!!

I love you all!!

My Road to C-Section Recovery

Similarly to little man's birth story, 

my C-section recovery was quite rough & less than desirable by far. 

As I mentioned previously in Grey's birth story Part II (click here to read).

I lost quite a lot of blood during surgery. 

The doctor still blames it on me being a red head reporting there was no other reason why I should have bled so much. 

With that being said... on to the road to recovery. 

Day 1.

The day of the c-section, I was pretty okay. I was quite drugged up on Dilaudid, due to just having a major surgery, but I was awake enough to talk, nurse, visit and hold my baby. 

After a bunch of times where they came in and painfully pushed on my stomach, they took out my catheter, and asked me to try and get up and walk and attempt to go to the bathroom. 

I was thinking "I have an 7 inch incision and  you want me to walk already."

They report it is the best think for you. 

So off I went. 

They didn't want me to walk far. Just get up and out of bed. 

That part was not bad. 

It was difficult getting out of bed, as you don't realize how much you use your lower abs to sit up and stand. 

But once up and standing up straight, other than the dizziness from the Dilaudid was not bad.

So off I went to go to the bathroom.

They need to make sure that you are able to pee & that something didn't go wrong. 

Well, as I sat in there for 10 minutes trying to go, I couldn't. 

So back in bed. 

They came back every few hours for the next 24 hours to try and make me pee. 

No luck.

The doctor came by the next day. 

He threatened (nicely, my doctor is amazing) that if I didn't pee in the next two hours we would have to put the catheter back in.

20 minutes later I thankfully peed!!

Day 2. 

Day 2 in the hospital was a bit harder. I was very drowsy, and had a splitting headache. THe nurses and doctor said this was most likely a reaction to the anesthesia and pain meds. I started declining the remainder of the Dilaudid, so they switched me to Percocet. 

Still my head was pounding but they were sure with time it would get better. 

I had a more difficult time getting up more this day, as every time I got up my head was sure to explode. So squishy and I had lots of skin to skin time in bed!

My appetite was very poor in the morning and at lunch and I couldn't really eat until dinner. 

The doctor came in later that evening and reported that my blood levels and more particularly my hemoglobin were not where they should be. 

He attributes this to the loss of blood in surgery.

"Hemoglobin is a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen."

The normal range for hemoglobin for men is 13.5 - 17.5

& for women 12 to 15.5.

Mine were at a 7.

He reports this will most likely increase itself.

Day 3.

I woke up feeling much better.

I was able to get up and move around better, my appetite had increased and I even got up to look somewhat presentable.

The doctor came in around early morning and reported my blood levels were still not where they should be, but since I was feeling better he was going to discharge me.

I was okay with this. 

I had more energy, only a light headache and was starved!

At around 1pm, we were able to leave!

For the rest of the day I felt pretty okay. 

My brother and sister-in-law to be came up and visited and I went to the store with hubby and shopped for food. 

Around 9pm, I started to get a horrible headache. 

Around 10pm it was so excruciating I couldn't stand up straight or stay in bright lights. 

I was also getting a horrible throbbing pain in my back. 

 I had hubby call the doctor due to not even being able to hold the phone to my ear. 

Our doctor reported that it could just be a side effect from the meds and surgery.

I felt so guilty that I couldn't even change my babies diaper. I had to nurse him lying down. 

At midnight, we called hubbies dad to come over and help because poor hubby was so sleep deprived and I was so useless. 

Day 4. 

Day four was just as bad as the night of Day 3. 

My headache was horrible, I couldn't get out of bed. 

Having to get up to pee was a chore. 

Hubby continued to do most of the work as I laid in bed. 

Squishy hung out with me in bed mostly & I continued to nurse him lying down.

My headache was NOT NEARLY as bad when I was lying, although it was still there. 

I thought to myself if it wasn't better by the weekend I would call the doctor back. 

Day 5. 

I woke up early this morning to get ready for Squishy's first doctor appointment. 

I got into the shower and immediately felt so weak and was in so much pain I had to sit on the shower floor just to get through it. 

I wasn't hungry but forced myself to eat muffin bites. 

Finally we got to his doctors appointment

(which he was doing awesome)

I could barely stand the entire time I was there. 

I again felt so useless. I sucked it up and made it through the appointment.

Next we had to go to the OB to drop off my disability paperwork. 

When I got to the doctors, I asked to speak with a nurse. 

I broke down crying. 

I told the nurse that I felt awful. 

That I felt so sick I couldn't even take care of my baby.

She had me come in a room and the doctor came to see me.

He reported that I looked awful and that he wanted to re-admit me back to the hospital. 

He told me he would readmit me to the maternity floor so Squishy and Husband could be with me!

I asked what he thought was wrong. 

He reported that it could be two things. 

1) A spinal headache. A headache caused by leaking spinal fluid from the spinal block

or 2) My hemoglobin levels. 

I headed over to the hospital. I walked there (remember my doctors is RIGHT next to the hospital) as I sent husband home to get some things. 

I almost passed out on the walk over. 

I was admitted to maternity and they took a bunch of new blood tests. 

I waited and waited. 

The doctor had to head in for an emergency c-section. 

The anesthesiologist came to visit while I waited.

He reported that he did not think I had a spinal headache and that I didn't present as the typical case. He reports he would due a blood patch (where they re-do the spinal block and inject some of your blood into you to clot it. Therefore no leaking fluid and no more headache)

He reported that he would not be able to do it today because I had taken Advil that morning. 

So more waiting. 

Our doctor finally came back. 

He reported that my hemoglobin levels were STILL at 7.

He reports that he was quite surprised that I made it as long as I did without calling him. He reported that he thought it could be my anemia that was causing my levels not to increase. 

He reported that I would need a blood transfusion. 

He explained the risks. 

I didn't care, I just wanted to be able to hold my baby and be a good momma. 

He reports that I would need at least two bags of blood meaning I would be there overnight. 

Awesome. 

They finally hooked up the first bag of blood. I couldn't even look at the IV it was grossing me out so bad. 

We did this for the next 8 hours. 

Day 6.

I woke up that am early. 

I wanted to try and stand up as much as I could and move around as much as I could to see if the transfusion worked. 

If it didn't, I would have the blood patch that day. 

Two hours went by and I felt okay. 

At 3 hours (around 7am) I started to get a dull headache. 

The doctor came by at 8. 

He reported that my hemoglobin levels were now at 10.5. 

He reports that they weren't at the 12.5 they were before my surgery but they had improved. 

He reports that some times they can take some time for the "blood to thicken in your body" (Gross)

He told me he would like me to stay until noon.

At around noon, he came back. 

I had a dull headache. 

He discharged me. 

Squishy had his newborn photos that day at 3pm so I was going to be there for them!

I told myself if it wasn't better by tomorrow I would go back to the ER. 

I got home and got ready as best I could. 

My headache got really bad when I got home.

I was instructed to drink soda (caffeine) and lots of it.

I tried. 

No improvement. 

I couldn't get myself into the shower (hence why I look awful in the Newborn photos, but hey at least I was able to be in them!!)

His photographer came. 

I tried so hard to be present but my head hurt so bad. I had to sit and lay my head. 

1/2 through the photos, I said screw this and sucked up the pain and watched my cute little baby be photographed and took pictures with him. 

I had to keep laying my head down throughout the pictures, but I was there!!

About two hours after his photographer left, I FINALLY started to feel better.

My headache became less painful.

I told myself. 

If I can make it through a shower tomorrow then I am good. 

Day 7.

I finally woke up and felt okay.

Not great.

But not bed ridden. 

I took a shower. 

I stood!

I drank a soda.

It helped. 

I changed my babies diaper. 

I cried. 

I finally felt like a good momma!!

Throughout the day I started feeling better and better. 

I went to bed that night feeling near to 90%!

I thanked God. 

I can't explain to you all how guilty and how terrible of a mother I felt.

It was one of the worst feelings ever not being able to take care of your baby.

I am SO thankful that I am now better and able to enjoy my time with my baby.

I will NEVER take him for granted or my health for granted!